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Are You Being Used by an Older Date?

When was the last time you went out on a date without having to pay or visited your date’s residence without assisting with chores? If you find you have been doing far too many things for someone that has little to do with dating, then you just might be in a relationship with a person who is taking you for granted.

People date for various reasons and sometimes their desire for companions has little to do with intimacy and more about needing dates to assist with things like: family responsibilities, business, finances, and other duties.

You know you are being used when your date is doing the following:
1. Often calling you with a request.
2. Sharing one’s expectations, responsibilities, and other wishes while hoping you will say, “I will help.”
3. Telling you or others how much he or she loves you only when you do something for him or her, yet bad-mouthing you when you refuse.
4. Making you feel guilty when you are unavailable to meet his or her needs.

Although there may be family members who come to mind that treat you this way, a date acting inconsiderate of your time and feelings--especially when the relationship is still new--is someone who will later become a problem for you if you let him or her.

During the dating phase, your need to please will grow the more you find things about this person you like. Meanwhile, your date’s requests will increase and possibly broaden to his or her relatives and friends, because he or she knows your feelings have grown for him or her. Therefore, he or she will ask you things like: “Can you help my mother pay her bill? Do you think you can come over and help my grandfather with…? Is it possible if you could drive my sister and her children to XYZ?”

Manipulative people achieve trust through flattery meanwhile creating false perceptions and trickery when it comes to what they are really doing. Before long, one’s funds are rapidly decreasing while his or her life begins to look like it has been ambushed by a stranger.

When you notice that an older date appears to be very needy, dependent on family and friends, and often requests you to do things for him or her, take a step back. Ask yourself, “Do I really want to do these things for this person? Am I willing to speak up and tell him or her how I feel about all these requests? Is the relationship really worth it? What am I receiving as a result?”

There are times that you will want to do something for your date, because you simply want to make a good impression or because you just feel the need to do so, but if you find yourself resenting doing things for him, her or family, start saying, “No.”

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